“You’re not mentally ill”... this is false. I know I am. And in a way, it is I better that I know I am mentally ill. I don’t know if you truly think that I am okay, but that is not true. You base everything off of your experiences in life, so that is how you will think others feel. I have spent a long time thinking about how mentally fucked I am, because this is not all normal stuff. I want to work through it, but when others in your life tell you that you’re okay and deny you have problems, it’s just as bad as you denying your problems.
I was thrown from a place filled with sadness to a place filled with violence. Distrust. I still feel better than I did before I went there, but not the best I’ve ever felt. Maybe that will change, but I want you to understand that mental illness does, in fact, define who you are. How you respond to these struggles also defines who you are.
I am often called manipulative for my actions, and maybe I am doing this unintentionally. I can’t deny it, because at some points I definitely am manipulative, but so is almost everyone. Sometimes I want the best for everyone, and other times I hate all and want to hide. I believe I am bipolar because my emotions can take turns so fast.
When I was young, I was told I didn’t have ADHD. This left me thinking about what the he’ll was wrong with me. I was told I didn’t have depression by others... I thought I was being a bitch for feeling sad all the time. I was told that my self harm was for attention by some. I was told that I am not bipolar, I just want to get mad at someone. I was told I do not have OCD, I just want to pretend I'm perfect.
My experiences are mine to keep, but also to share. But I should not base everything that I tell people how to do something based of of what worked for me or what didn’t. Listening to your elders is important, but so is listening to the young ones. They are the new generation, with the new problems, with the new outlooks. Everything changes in life. Saying I am not mentally ill is not true because people generally think that those who hurt others, shoot up schools or self harm are mentally ill... that may be true, but there are different severities and different reactions
Denying that you have problems is almost as bad as having those problems. A mental disorder is anything that causes changes to mood, thinking or actions. All of these disorders that I have are why I am what I am and why I do what I do. I don’t do normal things all the time, because of my mental disorders.
I can’t blame everything on my mental disorders, but you can’t blame everything on me not trying.
